What do you do when life isn’t what you thought it would be? You’ve completed the exercises that the “experts” say you should do:
• Identify what are you passionate about
• Determine your purpose
• Set goals that link to your purpose
• Create effective action plans for each of your stated goals.
However, looking back over 2019 and the last decade, you may feel that the expectations of where you are, and where you thought you would be, seem miles apart.
Stand and Remain Standing
How do we measure success when examining the spaces that divide our reality and expectations? Let’s be honest! You thought your experiences, skills, gifts, and talents would open countless doors. However, gender, race, or gray hairs have given others unfounded reasons for pause. Nevertheless, stand firm in what you are passionate about in life. It is for this reason why it is essential to learn goals must be fluid. I encourage you to ask God for wisdom and discernment regarding your purpose. Seek out paid and unpaid opportunities to use your gifts and talents. Keep knocking because the right door will open!
God’s Time, Not Ours
In the previous decade, you may have had seasons of real traction in your professional, emotional, and spiritual growth. Are you wrestling with the space separating your reality and your expectations? How does one move on from the life you wanted in this new month, of this new year, within this new decade? If you are like me, your answers will fluctuate according to your perception of the size of the space that separates expectations from reality. I will readily admit that I don’t understand God’s timing. One thing that I do know is that God loves us! God’s timing may not match ours—so while you are waiting on the Lord, stay busy using your skills, talents, and gifts to change your communities. While you are asking, seeking, and knocking for your open door, please consider how today you can be a blessing to others.
Love Thyself
We can learn to be gentle with ourselves. Looking back on my years in corporate leadership and management, I realize that I was often my own worst critic. My bosses and the people I managed were not looking for perfection. So, in this new year and in this new decade, let’s commit to ending all negative self-talk (“If I only”; “I should never have”; “I should be ____by now”). In our seasons of waiting, we can’t help but wonder, does God really care about me? When we are emotionally vulnerable, we often want to resolve our root problems quickly. Your vulnerability can encourage you to really see, hear, and love your authentic self.
Keep It Moving
Your story is not over. Evaluate your intellectual, emotional, social, physical, spiritual, and economic situations and adjust as needed. The intersectionality of obstacles, be they racism, classism, sexism, or ageism, cannot be overlooked or minimized. However, everyday breath is in your body, your thoughts, words, and actions are compelling you to re-examine the space between your reality and your expectations. But always with the goal of moving forward, adding a new page to your story.
Lesson Learned
Perhaps the lesson to be learned during this thoughtful examination of the past decade is to remove the “period.” Reminding and encouraging ourselves that we are not alone in painting the pictures of our lives. You can also encourage yourself to give time and space to the grief of dashed expectations. How can you encourage yourself to focus on the expectations of your lives that should instead have a “comma” or a “semi-colon?” God is still moving and working on our behalf in the spaces that separate reality from expectation.
